


A Road Home

by Keinine



Category: Elsword (Video Game)
Genre: Anular/Herrscher, Demonio/Apostasia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-22 02:21:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15571578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Keinine/pseuds/Keinine
Summary: No matter how desperately Ain wishes for it, no matter how long he claws for the past, fighting for the return of the warmth and comfort he has longed for, for so long, it will never come back. Thinking of how it will never become closer, never be reachable again, makes his chest tighten, an unbearable pain that leaves him short of breath.





	A Road Home

**Author's Note:**

> Direct continuation of ["Pathway"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11826462), taking place after the bridge fic ["Stop For The Night"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15067145).
> 
> Happy Birthday, [Kiyo](https://twitter.com/K0URUD0)!

Their travels, once lively, always full of curiosity and chatter, were now far more silent in nature. The three of them-Ciel, Lu, and Ain-traveled in quiet, the only time they spoke were the occasional question, “is this the right way?”, “should we stop for the night and set up camp?”, or “are you hungry?”.

They didn’t stay at inns as much as they used to, but on occasion they didn’t have a choice. There was one instance where they became stuck in a town due to a festival going on. The festival imports made leaving difficult, so they decided to wait it out. During the final day of the festival they sat in the room they rented from the inn. TV playing as background noise as Ciel read a book, Lu taking a nap in the bed ( only one-they decided Ain would take the couch while Lu and Ciel would share the bed ), and Ain sitting on a chair he pulled over to the window, knees pulled up to his chest, hair messily draped over his shoulders.

He sat in silence like that for who knows how long, before finally standing and walking over to the door. Ciel almost didn’t hear him, practically forgetting Ain existed in the same room as him.

“Where are you going?”

Ain halts at the door, turning to peer back at the demon over his shoulder. “... Outside. I want to look around.”

The two stare at one another for a while, Ciel slowly turning back to his book. “Have fun.” All he gets in response is a quiet hum, Ain making sure the door closes quietly behind him.

The streets are noisy and crowded, which isn’t surprising, since Ain could see as much from the window he sat near. He’s not even really sure why he wanted to come out here. People keep bumping into him, children keep running by, yelling out of delight. Out of curiosity he buys a treat for himself, Lu, and Ciel; candy that’s been shaped to look like a fish. Two are placed in a bag, one remains in his hand, Ain taking small bites out of it as he walks, peering among the stalls.

He loses track of time, what was midday when he started walking now nightfall. The air around him is starting to become chilled-or, rather, Ain himself is cold, his body unable to retain heat. He thinks it’s time to head back, but upon looking around, he realizes he’s gotten himself completely lost. He walks around a little more, attempting to retrace his steps… the attempt ends with him sitting on a park bench, unsure what to do with himself.

Ain falls back into his habit of staring, watching people as they move about. He watches as a couple walks by, holding hands, leaning on one another. Ain lifts his own hand to look at it… how long had it been since he and Ciel held hands?

He brings his hands close to his mouth, trying to warm them up. He doesn’t notice as people start heading indoors, getting out of the night as the festival comes to an end. He’s still hopelessly lost, growing more and more cold. 

A sudden exhaustion crept up on him, something that rarely happens, Ain deciding to close his eyes for a few minutes-just a few-and then he would continue trying to find his way back to the inn.

Ain wakes in a dazed confusion as something warm-a coat?- is wrapped around him, Ain being lifted up off the bench right after. Ciel carefully holds Ain close, making sure the coat is tight around him, before he starts walking. Still half asleep, Ain croaks out a feeble, whispered, “I got lost.”

Ciel’s shoulders seem to relax upon hearing Ain speak… perhaps that was Ain’s imagination. Something he wanted-he wanted Ciel to be relieved to have found him safe and sound. That wouldn’t happen anymore though. Things are different.

Any feelings they used to have were buried. Now, there is only pity in their relationship. Why else would they lack physical contact, the same affection they used to show one another?

“Don’t wander so far next time.”

Ain remains silent after Ciel’s reply, simply closing his eyes and letting his head rest on Ciel’s shoulder. The demon carries Ain back to their room, placing him down on the couch and tucking a blanket around him. He takes the bag Ain had and places it on the table in front of the couch before heading to bed with Lu.

Ain listens to the two of them as they sleep, their breathing in sync. There is the faint tick of a clock coming from out in the hallway somewhere, the wind would occasionally cause the tree outside to knock against the side of the building. There’s a mouse in the room at one point, Ain watching it skitter about for food.

He fell asleep again at some point, being woken the next morning by the floor creaking, Ciel in the middle of approaching him to wake him. They check out of the inn early in the morning and head on their way. Ain didn’t see the bag containing the two candies he’d bought for Lu and Ciel, assuming it was probably thrown out.

That’s fine.

-

Camping had a completely different air to it than before. They would set up a fire, Ciel would make a small meal for everyone, then everyone set up their blankets; Ciel and Lu beside one another, and Ain made it a habit to sit on the other side of the fire. He wouldn’t sleep through the night, often sleeping on and off, mostly spending the night, awake, sitting by the fire, staring. The smallest noises would have him on edge, gaze always snapping to the source of the noise.

Normally it was nothing, just the trees brushing against one another in the wind or an animal passing by out of curiosity… of course the one time it’s an actual threat Ain is barely holding on to waking conscious, exhaustion seeping into his body. 

He dismisses the noise, returning to staring at the fire. He shifts, preparing to lay down, and then he’s being pinned face down onto the ground, his arm bitten into by what he is assuming some kind of… very large wolf-like creature. He pries it off, tossing it to the side, standing with his weapon in hand, lunging to hit it with an attack, but another comes from behind him, biting his shoulder. Three more emerge, circling. Looking for a meal.

In a panic he looks across the fire, Lu and Ciel just stirring, trying to react to everything as quickly as they can. The wolf-like creatures uninterested in them, seeming to only care about (or notice) Ain, dragging him around, ripping him apart. Claws tear open skin, bite wounds all over arms and legs, Ain’s attention focused on holding off one, aiming attacks at it, failing to realize another jumps at him from behind. Ciel shoots it down before it can get to him.

Lu and Ciel take up a sort of defensive position around Ain, seeing he’s been ripped to pieces enough, but that doesn’t stop him from moving away from the two, seeing an opportunity to attack one of the creatures… which ended up just being another trap, a second beast lying in wait to grab Ain by the arm and pull him down to the ground, then biting Ain’s ankle.

As if that weren’t enough, once it has a good hold on him, it runs off into the forest, dragging Ain along the floor. Ciel and Lu try to follow after, Ciel calling out Ain’s name when their path is cut off by the four other creatures.

Ciel’s voice sounded odd-strained-something Ain hadn’t heard in a while.

As Ain’s luck would have it, the monster makes a critical misstep, a rock sliding out from under it. It makes a noise, releasing Ain in the process, and Ain takes the chance to strike out and attack it. Before it could counter, he sends out a flurry of attacks, making quite the mess. Though sloppy, he was effective in killing it… as well as damaging several trees in the area.

Ain makes an attempt to stand, body burning all over, unable to put any sort of weight onto the ankle the creature bit. Broken, maybe.

He takes one step before he feels disoriented. Light-headed, he walks several steps more before he leans against a tree, sliding down it with labored breaths. He didn’t realize just how much he’d been bitten into. How much he’d been clawed. How much blood he’d lost.

It’s fine, Ain thinks. He can stay awake long enough for Ciel and Lu to find him. Ciel will fret over him, Lu will tell him to stop worrying and just pick Ain up, and they’ll rush to the nearest town for help.

… Ah, but things aren’t the same as they used to be.

No matter how desperately Ain wishes for it, no matter how long he claws for the past, fighting for the return of the warmth and comfort he has longed for, for so long, it will never come back. Thinking of how it will never become closer, never be reachable again, makes his chest tighten, an unbearable pain that leaves him short of breath.

The worst thing? It's his fault.

It's all his fault. If he stayed, maybe things would have been different. Maybe Ciel wouldn't have changed so much. Maybe he and Lu would share jokes like they used to. Maybe he could still feel that comfort.

Maybe-

"A-ah..."

He can't stop the noise before it escapes him, arms crossing over his body, holding himself tight. Tears streaming down his face, shaking and unsteady. It’s because he lost a lot of blood, of course. That’s what he would say normally, of course…

But he’s alone in a forest, sitting with his back against a tree, unable to move because of a broken ankle and immense pain from bite wounds and scratches all over his body. Loss of blood making it impossible to stay conscious, yet he’s willing it somehow. All of this his own fault, part of his cursed fate, and he deserves it.

“C-Ciel… uun…”

It’s been so long since he cried last. It’s been so long, since he’s actually felt paralyzed by fear. He was alone, cold, and afraid.

Ain was dying.

As moments pass, he could feel himself slipping. Head would fall, jerking upright again, only to repeat until Ain finally leaned back against the tree, head tilted up. The stars were mocking him. Twinkling, bright, full of light and warmth. Ain doesn’t notice his hands slipping, grasp weakening, hands falling to his sides.

All he can think about is Lu and Ciel. He lets out a shaky breath, fingers twitching as he recalls how Lu would always drag him around. Like that one time at a festival long ago. They were both curiously looking at things, buying far too much food to try, getting accessories that they only wore once. Seeing the cat ears on Ciel was all worth it, though.

Ciel’s hands were always so warm. They always held him tight, keeping him grounded. Whenever he was hurting, those hands seemed to take the pain away, bringing only comfort. 

Another wave of tears fall over Ain’s cheeks, the male closing his eyes. He can’t move. He can hardly will himself to stay awake. 

Faintly, he registers a noise. Shuffling, muffled noises he can’t quite make out. He figures the creatures that attacked him ran away from the campsite, returning to finish off their prey. He doesn’t blame them for considering him an easy meal, but there was hardly any meat on his bones for them to eat.

The noise grows closer, Ain allowing his consciousness to slip for a moment. Just a moment, before there are hands on either side of his face, bringing him back. Eyes open, hazy and unfocused, meeting with Ciel’s familiar blue.

At first, Ain thinks his mind is playing tricks on him. It looks like there’s something sticking out of the other side of Ciel’s head, maybe a twig got caught in his hair in the scuffle. Instead, he focuses on the expression Ciel is making, which leave Ain confused further. 

“... What’s with that look?”

Ain’s voice is a raspy quiet, questioning, as Ciel touches over his body, frantically, yet gently all the same. Wiping thumbs over Ain’s cheeks, momentarily surprised when they come back wet. Even with a mask covering his face, eyes are revealed with worry; panic. Ciel was afraid.

Ain starts slipping again, Ciel shaking him, voice strict. “Keep your eyes open. Don’t let them close.”

Ain is wrapped up in Ciel’s coat, his body feeling as though it was burning from the sudden heat. Weakly, there is protest from Ain. “It’s going to get dirty… I’m covered in blood.”

“Doesn’t matter.” Ciel counters, dismissive, carefully hooking an arm around Ain’s shoulder and under his legs, lifting him with ease. Ain hisses, the only thing he has the strength to do to let Ciel know he’s in pain. 

Ciel has to carefully maneuver around the trees, unable to break into a run, settling for a jog. Even with being jostled around, Ain struggles to stay awake, eyes closing only to open again as his head bounces off of Ciel’s shoulder.

“Where’s Lu?”

“She ran ahead. Don’t talk. You’ll waste your energy.”

“I’m dying.”

“No you’re not.

“It feels like I am.”

“Ain-”

“I’m  _ scared _ , Ciel.”

The demon’s step falters, only for a second, but his jog remains steady. He doesn’t give an answer. The moment he’s out of the forest and on an open path, Ciel breaks into a sprint. 

Ain can’t hold on anymore. A deep exhaustion claims him, eyes closing as he gives in. Ciel is talking to him, saying something, but Ain can’t hear it clearly. It’s just noise. Weakly, Ain attempts to speak, voice a whisper that he’s not sure Ciel could hear. It’s fine. 

-

Vaguely, he remembers prying back into consciousness a few times. First, when they arrived in town, Lu and Ciel over Ain as he’s taken into medical care. He recalls hearing their voices, angry and panicked, growing further away. He’s taken past double doors, and fades out again.

There are people he doesn’t recognize the second time he wakes. All over him, swarming and touching and sewing him up like he’s a broken plush. They’re talking, but it isn’t processing in his mind, as though they were speaking a foreign language.

The third time... he’s not sure where he is, or even if he’s really awake.

It's as though he were in a cave, faint light filtering in from an unknown source. Ain’s body is suspended from the ceiling, arms and legs restricted by shadows that resemble hands. Unable to move freely (the fatigue settled deep in his bones prevents any attempts to move). Maybe he really is dead, and this is hell. Ain wouldn’t be surprised if that were the case.

A sudden pain rips through his arms and legs, the hands beginning to hold tight and pull on his skin. It’s unbearable, a burning that sears through his entire body. 

Ain doesn’t have the energy to scream out. Where the hands pull, his body, quite literally, begins to vanish. They remove one of his elbows, his forearm, and both legs from the knees down. Despite the missing parts of his body, he still was connected to his feet and hands, something that was apparent by the fact he was still being suspended by them.

The hands suddenly swarm around him, forming a cocoon around him, and he’s surrounded by darkness again.

-

Eyes pry open, face scrunching under the light in the room. It was dim, the light setting low, as well as it being dark outside, the only natural light filtering in being from the moon. 

The first observation he makes: everywhere on his body hurts. 

The second: this is probably some sort of hospital. 

The third: his hair is a lot longer-and less knotted-than he remembers it being.

The final thing he notices is Lu, curled up on a bed positioned next to Ain’s, separated by a small nightstand; and Ciel, sitting in a chair, arms crossed over his chest, asleep.

His hair is shorter. His clothes were torn, skin discolored, and he had two horns now as well, Ain vaguely remembering having seen something before.

Trying to force himself to a sitting position, Ain braces his hands in the bed, only managing to sit up slightly, quickly becoming exhausted and flopping back down onto the bed. His breathing is heavy from the effort, Ain not realizing Ciel woke up until he heard his voice. “Ain?”

Turning his head to the side, Ain’s eyes meet with Ciel’s. The demon is pulling his chair closer, at his side in an instant. A hand rests on his cheek as the other brushes back Ain’s hair from his face. Ain nuzzles into the hand on his cheek, letting out a feeble sigh.

“Your hair is shorter.”

“It happened a while ago. Don’t you remember?”

“Not really.”

Ciel makes a noise, Ain unable to tell if it’s a laugh or a scoff. The demon leans forward, Ain recoiling slightly, uncertain of what the other is doing… and then their foreheads are pressed together, Ciel’s eyes closing.

“... You said you were scared.”

Oh. Ain remembers that. “... I was.” Pathetic, right?

Ciel moves to rub their noses together. “ _ You _ scared  _ me _ .” He slides a hand under the blanket over Ain’s body, pulling his hand out from under it, lifting it to his mouth to kiss it, holding it there. “You’ve been asleep for a month. Lu and I stayed in town. We kept coming back to check on you. They had to kick us out once because we refused to leave. You… parts of your body started vanishing. I thought you died.”

“That makes two of us.”

Ain reaches his hand up, holding the side of Ciel’s face. Shaking from the strain, Ciel places a hand over Ain’s, holding it there so Ain can relax.

“... I didn’t think you cared if I died.”

Ciel recoils at that, looking at Ain with a dumbfounded expression, lowering Ain’s hand back to the bed. “What gave you that idea?”

“Ever since I came back, you haven’t really… we haven’t…”

Ciel has been cold, thinking back. He ignored Ain, unable to properly express himself. Because of this, their relationship became strained… to Ain, at least.

“...”

Ain knows he’s making a pitiful expression, looking over at Ciel as though he were a puppy locked outside. He takes a breath, forcing himself to turn onto his side, his back to Ciel. Even that takes far too much effort, leaving him tired.

“Never mind. It’s not important. It’s late. You should sleep.”

The room is silent for a moment, Ain thinking Ciel actually listened to what he said. And then the bed behind him dips from sudden weight, Ain feeling a broad chest press against his back, an arm winding around him, holding him close.

“Ciel-” Ain squirms, trying to move out of Ciel’s hold. 

“I’m sorry, Ain.”

“Ciel, don’t-” He tries pulling away, body not listening, shoulders tense.

“I’ve been hurting you.”

“Ciel,  _ stop- _ ” He feels sick. He’s going to be sick-

“I love you, Ain.”

“...”

There is no response other than Ain’s body stilling, room quiet once again. Slowly, Ain shifts, curling up on himself. “... Don’t say that. Please. You shouldn’t.”

“I love you.”

“No you don’t. Stop.”

“I love you so much.”

Ain can’t stop the choked noise he makes, his throat impossibly tight, chest hurting. Ain can’t fight back as Ciel turns him around, and he’s certain the expression he’s making is pathetic, tears welling up in his eyes, spilling over. The demon leans forward, kissing over his eyelids, kissing over cheeks. 

“I love you.”

Each time Ciel says it, Ain’s face twists, desperate to hold in tears that Ciel constantly continues to wipe and kiss away.

Finally, Ain can’t take it. Slowly moving closer to Ciel, he buries his face in his chest, hands clinging to his clothes. Ciel brushes a hand through Ain’s hair, getting caught on knots, gentle to not tug. 

“... ove you.”

“Ain?”

“I love you. I love you so much. From the start.” Ain takes a shaking breath, pressing further into Ciel. “I’m scared. Everything hurts. I’m terrified. I’m alone-”

“You’re not alone. You have never been alone.” Ciel cuts him short, kissing the top of his head, wanting to hold him tighter, but afraid of physically harming him. “I’m sorry, Ain. I had forgotten. I stopped showing you love.”

Ain knows this. Ciel doesn’t love him any more. “I ruined everything-”

“But I  _ never _ stopped loving you.”

Ain can’t react again before Ciel pulls his face up, lips meeting in a kiss. It’s short lived, Ciel pulling back, stroking a thumb along Ain’s cheek. Ain is staring at him, wide-eyed, crying even more (something he thought impossible).

He starts moving and then stops, hesitating a moment, before he leans back up, kissing Ciel desperately. Ciel moves a hand to the back of Ain’s head, keeping him in place, while the hand on his back pulls him closer. Impossibly close.

Ain’s body begins to burn again, but it’s a burning he doesn’t mind. His lungs burn, not breathing enough, but not caring enough to pull away from the kisses for more than a second at a time.

Ciel just barely registers the fact Ain is speaking, whispering the demons name like a prayer against his lips, over and over again.

“I love you, Ciel. I love you.”

“I love you too, Ain.”

“Ciel.”

“Yes, Ain.”

“Ciel. I love you.”

Ciel can’t help the laugh that interrupts a kiss, Ain finally being held back down against his chest, exhausted.

“I love you too, Ain.”

“I don’t want to lose this.”

“You won’t. I won’t make the same mistake. I’m sorry.”

Ciel won’t let Ain speak anymore after that. Whenever he tried, he would be hushed, a hand softly stroking along the back of his head.

-

Even though Ain is asleep and it’s apparent he’s not going to die, Ciel can’t help but feel a familiar restlessness in his mind. Whenever he used to hold Ain, he would always notice how small and fragile he was. This is no exception…

No. This is different. Ain isn’t just fragile, but he’s cracked, chipped at the edges, threatening to shatter at any given moment. Ciel hadn’t realized how bad it had become. Perhaps he would have if he hadn’t forgotten that Ain was one of the most important people in his life.

There is a shift from the other side of the room, Lu groaning out a whine as she sits up. “First you wake me up by making out with him, and now you’re waking me because you’re too overwhelmed with anxiety to contain your emotions. I thought we were past this.”

Though she complains, she doesn’t actually look upset. 

“Sorry, Lu.”

“... Well, this isn’t the first time it has happened, so I’ll let it slide. But just this once.”

She’s smiling, looking over at the two from the bed she’s sitting on. Ciel focuses on combing fingers through Ain’s hair, softly humming. He doesn’t notice when Lu kicks her legs over the side of the bed, or when she crosses the room to the bed he and Ain are resting on. 

He’s surprised when he feels the bed dip behind Ain, Lu crawling on, wiggling herself under the covers and wrapping an arm around Ain, pressed against his back. Ciel raises a brow questioningly, and she yawns. 

“His back looked cold. I’m warming it up. Now, go to sleep.”

Ciel couldn’t argue with her command, hand reaching over to Lu. Lu comfortable in bed, Ain’s body snuggly fitting between the two, and Ciel slowly calming enough to sleep for the night.

-

As months passed by, Ain began coming and going as he pleased, vanishing for hours on end and returning to the group at night. He would vanish in a dark portal, promising to return, and that was that. 

Of course, he always did return. Sometimes early on in the evening, sometimes not until well after midnight.

Lu and Ciel rented two different rooms at an inn, Lu having turned in for the night, asleep in her room. Ciel remained awake, sitting on the couch in the room, reading. The night dragged on, Ciel starting and finishing the book while waiting for Ain to return. 

Ain is always quiet in his returns, portals opening with Ain slowly emerging. He finds himself looking down over a sleeping demon, having laid down on the couch, wanting to rest his eyes, but fell asleep.

Carefully, Ain crawls over him, squeezing himself between Ciel’s side and the couch cushions. Hand and cheek rest over a broad chest, fingers absently tracing circles. Ciel stirs, turning over, arms wrapping around Ain as mouth presses a kiss to his head, humming.

“Did I wake you?”

A low hum is his response.

“Were you asleep long?”

Ciel shakes his head.

“I love you.”

A mumbled ‘I love you, too’ I’d sounded.

Ciel lifts himself off of the couch, lifting Ain up off of it as well. Heading to the bedroom for a more comfortable place to sleep, the two clinging to one another like always. They exchange kisses, soft touches, before falling silent. Ciel drifts back to sleep, Ain remains awake.

He summons a small portal in his hand, reaching in to grab something before it vanishes. 

“Ciel?”

The demon grunts, an eye peeling open. 

Ain reaches for Ciel’s hand holding it, kissing over his knuckles. He nestled himself closer, carefully slipping a silver band onto Ciel’s finger, the demon watching each movement, silent.

“Marry me.”

**Author's Note:**

> Just like my other cielain fics, this one is not beta read.
> 
> Expect a part 4 at some point in time- a short epilogue, if anything.
> 
> If you want to contact me, I can be found over on [twitter](https://twitter.com/KElNlNE)!


End file.
